Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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