Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
