i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
