I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize