stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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