I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
