Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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