I bet he comes in French.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
