those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
