Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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