Me too!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
