Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
