Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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