Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
