If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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