woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
