Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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