what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
