You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
