Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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