My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize