we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
