The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize