What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
