why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
