She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
