I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
