I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
