Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
