I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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