You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
