Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
