they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I didn't notice because vodka
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
