I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
