When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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