so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
