I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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