wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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