thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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