remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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