Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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