It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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