I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
