How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Semen is not good for contacts.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
