I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Help. Why am I so naked?
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