If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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