I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
