swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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