he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize