I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
