Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
