Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
