She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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