I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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