I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
