Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
