I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
