Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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