at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
