Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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