worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
