if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
