i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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