dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
