so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
